Written by: Heep Hong Society Educational Psychologist Team
During a parents’ meeting, Mrs. Wong expressed her fear of receiving calls addressed to her as “Mrs. Wong,” as they are usually from her son Didi’s class teacher. Each time, the call revolves around complaints about Didi’s unusual behavior in class—either he frequently leaves his seat or disrupts his classmates during lessons. On rare occasions when he stays in his seat, she hopes for some quiet, but within 15 minutes, he becomes active again, and his disruptive behavior resumes. The most frustrating issue for the teacher is Didi’s noticeable lack of focus compared to his peers. He cannot concentrate for long during lessons; even the sound of a classmate coughing or whispering is enough to distract him, especially in dull classes where his attention drops rapidly.
Didi is also an impulsive child. There was an incident when a classmate sitting next to him accidentally kicked him, and he immediately retaliated with his fists. He often speaks without thinking, which frequently embarrasses those around him. Over time, not only do many teachers dislike him, but his classmates also find him very annoying. As a result, during recess, Didi often finds himself alone. Each day he comes home and complains to his mother about how unhappy he is because no one wants to play with him, and each time she hears this, her heart aches. She patiently talks to Didi, hoping he will realize his mistakes and change, but the calls from school continue without interruption.
Compared to other children his age, Didi has a shorter attention span, is unusually hyperactive, and exhibits many behavioral problems. Due to his impulsivity, he may be a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Parents who notice similar signs in their children should seek evaluation and assistance as soon as possible. The earlier children receive help, the more their difficulties in learning and socializing can be alleviated.
Article by Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, Psychological Counselor at the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association.
During the writing training session, Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, a psychological counselor from the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association, mentioned the common struggles children face when learning to write in K2.
“He can never write within the lines, everything ends up ‘flying’!”
“His letters always go beyond the boxes; usually, one letter ‘bullies’ two boxes!”
“He often skips lines or boxes while writing.”
“It seems like he lacks strength when writing, the writing is so light that it’s almost invisible!”
These are typical scenarios many children encounter when learning to write in K2. Writing requires a combination of various skills, with the most basic being the strength and flexibility of the small finger muscles (fine motor skills). Insufficient training in fine motor skills can lead to issues like weak or shaky handwriting. So, how can parents handle and train their children in this aspect? It’s simple—start by letting them play with clay, playdough, flour, and other similar materials from a young age.
Furthermore, visual spatial awareness and eye control are also crucial for handwriting. Engaging in general ball activities is excellent for training these skills. Tracking the ball visually and making contact (or kicking) the ball is a natural and fun way to practice. Additionally, activities like spot the difference games (finding variances in two pictures) and maze games (first visually finding the way out, then connecting the lines with a pen) can also enhance eye control abilities.
Hand-eye coordination is vital during handwriting practice and should not be overlooked! Activities like bean bag tossing, fishing games, pouring water exercises, and paper cutting can greatly improve hand-eye coordination.
When should these games be introduced, and how long should they be practiced daily? Ideally, parents can start playing these games with their children when they understand and are capable of playing. It’s crucial to base the duration of play on the child’s willingness. If a child loses interest, parents should switch activities rather than enforcing a specific time frame. The author believes that through daily play, children can naturally acquire skills, preventing issues from arising, rather than resorting to remedial exercises. Otherwise, even the most enjoyable games can become tedious and burdensome, leading to more suffering than enjoyment.
Written by: Principal Cheung Jok Fong, Education expert
Have you ever heard the theme song “Embrace Love” from a certain TV series? I really like some of the lyrics, which simply yet powerfully convey the essence of “home”: home is a place that “shelters from wind and rain”, your “shield” that will always “open its door” when you are “weary”. The “love” mentioned refers to the familial love that is destined from the moment you were born – a bond thicker than water. Indeed, what could be more important than family love? When you are down on your luck, your family will share your worries, listen to your woes, and accompany you through the difficult times; when you are ill, your family will care for you unconditionally; when you succeed in your studies or career, they will rejoice wholeheartedly and feel proud of your accomplishments. This kind of “love” is something that money cannot buy.
This year, our school has chosen “family” as the main theme, hoping to help parents and students appreciate the preciousness of family love. Unfortunately, this love may be taken for granted, as we are born into it, and hence some people fail to cherish it. Sometimes, we see from the news that some youths would rather loiter on the streets than return home; some families are embroiled in constant bickering, turning home into a battleground; some people even resort to violence against their own family members over trivial matters, leading to bloodshed. These are just the tip of the iceberg – it is truly saddening to see a good home deteriorate in such a way.
Three Phrases to Say More Often at Home
How can we build a harmonious family? Pope Francis, when discussing family life, proposed the “three family phrases”, which are the three phrases we should say more often at home: “thank you”, “may I”, and “I’m sorry”. “Thank you” expresses gratitude to family members. Often, children take the care provided by their parents for granted. But think about it – do parents have to prepare three meals a day for you? Who washes your clothes and shoes, giving you a more hygienic living environment? When you are sick, who tenderly cares for you, even getting up at night to feed you medicine? Schoolmates, while your parents are caring for you, why not say “thank you” more often? When you have the chance, you can also help your parents with household chores, sharing their workload. In fact, when children help with household tasks, parents can also say “thank you” to them. Nowadays, it is no longer appropriate for elders to adopt a superior attitude. Everyone has a responsibility in building a harmonious family – do not assume that certain tasks are the sole responsibility of certain family members. Even when receiving help from family members, a simple “thank you” can go a long way.
“Please” represents respect for family members and polite behavior towards others. Some may think that since they are family, they do not need to be too polite and can just speak directly. However, “please” not only reminds us to speak politely, but also to consider the feelings of our family members. Sometimes, people get into heated arguments over trivial matters, believing that they should fight for what is right, even with their own family. But is that really worth it? As the saying goes, “You may have won the battle, but lost the family.” Even with family, it is still better to be more cautious with our words.
As for “I’m sorry,” it represents seeking forgiveness from family members. When we have done something wrong, we should have the courage to take responsibility and say “I’m sorry” to those we have hurt. At the same time, “I’m sorry” also represents an opportunity to mend relationships with our family. Sometimes, it is not easy to determine who is right or wrong, or there may not even be a clear right or wrong, but just differences in values. Many conflicts arise from this very reason. If everyone refuses to compromise, the relationship will become very strained. As the saying goes, “Take a step back, and the world will be wide open.” Letting go of one’s ego does not mean one has to surrender or compromise on the issue, but rather creates a new opportunity to solve the problem in a better way.
Both in China and abroad, the concept of “family” is highly valued. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) God has arranged for us to grow up in different groups, and the first group is our family. As for Confucius, he greatly valued filial piety, believing it to be the foundation of being a good person and a scholar. Let us all start practicing the “Three Phrases of Family Life” from today, and build a harmonious and beautiful family together.
Mom: “If Mommy gets captured by the Gruffalo (the monster from the cartoon) and taken into the forest, what should we do?”
Hei Hei: “I will cook a meal for the Gruffalo to eat, because if the Gruffalo is full, it won’t eat Mommy! And Mommy said that after eating the meal, she can have the dishes!”
That was a conversation between the mother and Hei Hei. I greatly appreciate Hei Hei’s creativity, but I am most delighted that he tries to solve the problem with wisdom, rather than immediately resorting to violence to directly eliminate the obstacle, such as beating or even “killing” the Gruffalo and then rescuing Mommy. Or finding the police to arrest the Gruffalo, and then rescuing Mommy – these would be direct methods.
What’s wrong with the Gruffalo capturing Mommy because it was hungry? Does the solution have to be to eliminate it? If we let the Gruffalo eat its fill, it will naturally release Mommy! We should be able to accommodate each other’s ways of living; it doesn’t always have to be a life-or-death situation. I want my child to have their own stance, but at the same time, they need to learn to be tolerant of others, including their actions and even their mistakes. If we do not agree with someone’s behavior, we should try to persuade them with our own words and arguments.
It is always better to solve problems with wisdom rather than resorting to various forms of violence. There are always win-win solutions, as long as all parties make an effort to find them.
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
The author has read a famous book on negotiation techniques, titled “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In,” which introduces five principles of “Principled Negotiation” that are very useful. One of the principles is to “Focus on Interests, Not Positions.” In today’s society, where there are various conflicts, if the parties involved can prioritize the public interest over their own positions, and not just oppose each other because you are on the left and I am on the right, or because of differing positions, without the need for one side to emerge victorious, then even if your position or the side you support wins, what is the cost to society? Has the public interest truly increased because your position has prevailed?
In this era, parents’ protection of their children surpasses that of any previous generation. This may be due to the decrease in the number of children and the improvement in living standards, leading to parents spending more time and providing more comprehensive care for their children. Under such (possibly excessive) protection, children often become very self-centered and disregard the importance of others. From the parents’ perspective, they are inevitably biased and more tolerant of their own children. When faced with their children’s inappropriate behavior, parents tend to make excuses for them. This common human behavior, however, may lead to children becoming unruly. Therefore, in the difficult situation of balancing right and wrong, if someone is willing to “offer help and guidance,” parents should be grateful. The following are “important figures.”
Teachers
Teachers are among the people who spend the most time with children. We would prefer teachers to directly point out the rights and wrongs to children during their daily interactions. This direct message can effectively “sink in” for the children. Sometimes, facing negative criticism, children will naturally feel unhappy, but it helps them understand the boundaries. Therefore, parents should appreciate the strict guidance of teachers and avoid casually complaining about their efforts.
Elders
Many elders may be very strict with their own children but tend to be much more lenient with their grandchildren, sometimes even more so than the children’s parents. However, the status and life experience of elders are actually superior to anyone else’s. Therefore, their “one word of praise” can be more effective than others’ advice. The question is whether they are willing to play the role of the bad guy. If they are, parents should be grateful for their assistance.
3. Medical Personnel
Medical personnel have always been relatively respected. However, children often have an aversion to medical procedures. Therefore, during consultations and treatments, children’s reactions often present a good teaching opportunity. If medical personnel (including doctors and nurses) are willing to provide guidance when children exhibit uncooperative behavior, the children will likely understand better. Although they may not correct their behavior immediately, it will certainly help in their life learning process.
4. Passersby
Sometimes, unrelated bystanders can immediately point out inappropriate behavior in children, which can have a startlingly effective impact. For the parents present, this might be a bit embarrassing, but thinking it through, it is beneficial for the child’s behavior.
Children in their growth and learning phase need proper guidance, especially when their behavior deviates. Therefore, if parents are unwilling to play the “bad guy,” we should be grateful and appreciative if others are willing to speak up and correct the child.
The children can’t stop coughing, often continuing for an entire month, especially severe in the middle of the night, waking up from coughing, leading to insomnia, and then falling asleep from extreme fatigue. This is torturous for both children and adults! What exactly causes this persistent coughing? Is it sensitivity or inflammation of the trachea? Upon consulting a doctor, it turns out this is also a form of asthma!
Children are naturally more prone to having narrower airways due to their young age, making them more susceptible to nasal congestion, snoring, and even shortness of breath even with just a common cold. However, unlike bronchitis, a common cold usually recovers within a week, but the cough from bronchitis can last over twenty days, so it’s not surprising that the coughing continues for a month from the onset of the illness.
This leads to another question: Why does bronchitis occur? According to doctors, one common cause is the child contracting the Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV). This is a very common virus that spreads through droplets and air. It causes the airways to constrict and become inflamed, producing mucus that accumulates and further narrows the airways, stimulating the patient to cough and creating a vicious cycle. Doctors indicate that in these cases, bronchodilator medication may be prescribed to reduce symptoms and allow the child’s immune system to fight off the virus. However, once a child has been infected with RSV, the airways are somewhat damaged, increasing the likelihood of developing asthma in the future. As the doctor explained, my eldest son had indeed been hospitalized due to RSV infection in the past, and since then, every time he catches a cold and coughs, his recovery time is longer than that of my younger son!
“So it seems your eldest son might indeed have asthma,” the doctor’s conclusion was definitely the last thing I wanted to hear. Asthma, in its worst case, can be fatal! Wait, that’s the worst-case scenario. The doctor added that asthma is actually classified into four stages.
Stage 1: Intermittent Asthma
Usually caused by respiratory viruses such as RSV or filtrable viruses, occurring sporadically a few times a year, with normal conditions the rest of the time. Therefore, it is only necessary to use a bronchodilator during episodes of airway constriction and shortness of breath to relieve discomfort without significant side effects, and there is no need for long-term medication.
However, if the airway constriction is not properly relieved, the airways can become increasingly prone to narrowing, and the asthma could progress.
Stage 2: Mild Persistent Asthma
Patients have episodes about once or twice a month, and bronchodilators are insufficient to manage the condition. Inhaled steroids are needed to “treat the root cause” and control inflammation. Inhaled steroids come in different strengths, and the doctor will prescribe the appropriate dosage as needed.
Stage 3: Moderate Persistent Asthma
Patients have asthma attacks on average once a week and need to use a bronchodilator daily.
Stage 4: Severe Persistent Asthma
Patients need to use a bronchodilator daily, three to four times a day, while also using inhaled steroids to control the condition.
Following the doctor’s advice, I should no longer be afraid to let my child use inhaled bronchodilators! Relieving the child’s coughing and asthma symptoms early on can also hopefully prevent the worsening of asthma conditions in the long run.
Legendary parenting KOL Mrs Mak (i.e., McDull’s mom) once said: “There was a child who told a big lie, and the next day, he died…” Teaching children about consequences and costs is an unavoidable responsibility for parents. Thus, yesterday, my little daughter Yin and I had the following conversation at the dinner table:
Yin: I’m leaving half of my meal, please, dad, cover for me.
Dad: What attitude is that, always expecting me to cover for you, do you know the cost is significant for me?
Yin: What cost?
Dad: The cost means consequences (answering randomly), the cost of eating too much is getting fat.
Yin: But you are already very fat. (Instant kill)
Dad: There’s also a cost for leaving your food; I will take away your candies, let’s see if you dare to leave your food again. (Embarrassed and angry)
Yin: Woo… I don’t get fat from eating candies, but you’re still very fat without eating them.
Dad: I’m getting fat because I always have to cover for you guys. (The more he answers, the sadder he gets)
Taking away candies for leaving food, otherwise, dad, the king of covering, will only get fatter. Since the birth of my son, Hope, my weight has increased by more than 30%, so I must immediately stop the children from casually leaving their food, or else fat dad will have to pay a heavy “weighty” price.
In fact, the garbage we discard every day also comes at a cost to Hong Kong’s environment. I’m not talking about the consequences of littering fines of $1500 or the like, but in the past thirty years, while Hong Kong’s population has grown by only 30%, the total amount of municipal solid waste has increased by nearly 84%, far outpacing the overall growth. This is because everyone thinks there is no cost to throwing away trash, but in reality, the process of waste disposal not only occupies precious land (which Hong Kong people feel most ‘painfully’), but also consumes a lot of manpower and resources… These ‘costs’ are something that Hong Kong people have not thought about bearing in the past, but many Asian cities including Seoul and Taipei have implemented solid waste charging for many years with success. Why can’t the citizens of Hong Kong bear this together?
After a long-winded explanation to my little daughter Yin… “Dad, with all the nonsense you talk on a daily basis, can I charge you a fee to help you reduce waste and bear the burden together?”
The registration for Primary One discretionary places has closed, and parents who have “bought and left” can only resign themselves to fate. During the period from now until the release of the allocation results, the only thing that can be done under the government’s school allocation system is to “wait idly.” There are still a small number of Direct Subsidy Scheme (DSS) and private schools accepting applications. Parents who are unwilling to participate in the lottery for the central allocation can try their luck with DSS and private schools. Moreover, there are many websites that list the application deadlines for self-financed and private schools. For parents of students who have already applied to DSS and private schools, especially those who are preparing intensively for interviews, I must remind parents to prioritize their children’s mental health.
Intensive interviews harm children’s psychology
Humans always tend to repeat mistakes. Every year, after the peak period of interviews in September and October has passed, there are many well-intentioned people and organizations concerned with children’s mental health reminding us not to let intensive interviews harm children’s psychology. From what I remember, the most shocking newspaper headline was “Unable to withstand the intensive interviews for Primary One, a 5-year-old girl becomes depressed and wants to jump off a building.” These young children, only 5 or 6 years old, still do not understand what primary school life is about, nor do they know the difference between good and bad schools. It’s all because of how parents describe them, saying “This is a prestigious school, but if you get into another one, it’s a disaster,” and so on, leaving the children confused and thus under immense pressure. There have been investigations by psychiatrists or groups showing that many children have developed symptoms of depression and anxiety, including suicidal thoughts, and need immediate treatment.
Depression that cannot be voiced
I remember, during my days as a journalist, interviewing veteran principals and psychiatrists. Some children, especially those who are more introverted and slow to warm up, might go through several interviews in a day during the busiest times. They play games and answer questions respectfully in front of a large number of unfamiliar principals and teachers. Afterwards, parents repeatedly ask about the content of the “games and answers,” and even scold or instruct them on how to respond without any reason, making it inevitable for some to be unable to bear it.
After becoming a parent myself, I have become even more mindful of what the psychiatrist said. Parents should not only pay attention to changes in their children’s daily habits, such as suddenly losing interest in their usual hobbies like watching TV, reading, and playing with toys—all of which are abnormal changes. More importantly, parents should be aware of their own changes. Have parents, in the process of preparing resumes and getting nervous about interviews, turned into a ‘Hulk’ at home, constantly in a state of anger, or have they put a halt to parent-child activities such as storytelling, playing, and outdoor activities during holidays? If parents transform into Primary One monsters, how can children possibly remain unaffected?
Parents, please remember, children are only 5 to 6 years old and still do not know how to express the depression and pressure in their hearts. They may even be reluctant to show anger towards their parents, keeping their feelings bottled up inside. Even if it doesn’t lead to psychological illness, if the parent-child relationship is broken, it can be very difficult to repair. The trust between parent and child is like a piece of paper; once you crumple it, you can never return it to its original state.
This article may sound a bit preachy, and I don’t know if considering the psychological changes in children when choosing a school counts as a strategy or tip. I only know that parents are always anxious about their children’s future, but please remember the wish you often expressed when your child was born: “To grow up healthy and happy, and to become a useful person is enough.” But when faced with considerations for Primary One, have you forgotten your original intention?
